Withholding Forgiveness?

In my new favorite book, "Falling to Heaven," James Ferrell talks about people who are withholding forgiveness. His words in chapter 16 called Withholding Forgiveness, echo what I have been trying to say about forgiveness. He does a much better and eloquent job of presenting the idea that I have been feeling in my heart.

I am going to quote a whole paragraph from his book, so please bare with me. He says, "As with most questions, the clearest and truest answer can be found by pondering the Savior and his offering. The Lord effectively experienced all the "lost tops" (referring to hurt and sin) in the history of the world, most of which were never found (speaking in terms of we could never make up for the hurt or sin). And by proxy, he suffered for us all the mistreatment and heartache that followed those and all other experiences in mortality. Before we continue to rage against those we feel have hurt us, perhaps we should ponder over his response to the suffering he experienced on our behalf. His response, despite suffering that infinitely dwarfs our own, is to lovingly take us in his arms and work eternally to redeem and to sanctify us. And why? Because he wants to be with us and he wants us to enjoy all that he has! How do our own responses to suffering compare to this?"

He then goes on to say that extending forgiveness to someone is merely repenting for your failure to love them in the first place.  Think about that.  I know I have talked about that in a previous post but I think it's so important to understand.  We are all separated from God. To leave a family member, friend, acquaintance, or any of God's children alone because they offended or hurt you, you are failing to love them. God wants you to respond how the Savior would. But to ignore, have anger, gossip, etc. like Uchtdorf talks about, is wrong. Loving is the answer. Think about the 99 and the 1. The Lord didn't say if the 1 is too hard to help, don't go after it. In fact, those of us that are harder to love, need you more.  There, I'm jumping off my soap box now. This has just been a really difficult Christmas season.

Think about child like forgiveness...There have been times when I have yelled at my kids pretty good and within two minutes we are hugging and they are telling me how much they love me.  Kids do not withhold their forgiveness and love. They are God's love.  How much better would the world be if adults could forgive and love as kids so often do?

Ferrell goes on to say that our idea of forgiveness is often wrong, and we act as though when we forgive someone we are doing such a "gallant" act and sometimes we wait till the offending party shows some contrition for their supposed error. We think mistakenly that they must earn our forgiveness and that by withholding any forgiveness we are sucking all the light and divinity from the act of forgiveness. He states, "as if love must, or can be purchased. Does Christ withhold his love from us? Does he not, rather, come to us, and bid us to come to him, "without price?" Shouldn't we too, draw closer to those who have offended or hurt us and help our brothers and sisters home? He goes on and states my favorite new line, "Any withholding of love is itself a sin. So to have held it back on account of what another has done is itself an act for which we must repent." Forgiveness he says, is repenting for failing to love.

I, having been the one that offended my friend and need the forgiveness, have been living in a somewhat prison. Not knowing how to fix the offense and praying for the offended, I have sometimes been angered at the lack of forgiveness extended. I realized I am just as guilty by holding the party responsible for not forgiving and need to indeed just love her more.

Phew, that was a lot to take in.