Being in bed sucks...however, there are many blessings in my life. First, God hears and answers prayers, even the ones just in your heart. I have been having a really hard time since last Thursday. I am feeling worse and worse now as days go by. That being said, I had a hard conversation with my friend last week and have been saying a prayer in my heart that she would understand, that she would see the bigger picture and that a God ordained and sanctified friendship could exist.
Well, this morning as I was pondering a talk in the Ensign, I was feeling quite down. Then a chance encounter between me and an acquaintance happened and I knew my Heavenly Father is aware of me. You see, she asked me a question about my ex husband and it led to a talk about my friend which then led to her saying this one statement, which led to me knowing my Heavenly Father cares about me. The person I was talking to was referencing her husband and something he and I share as a struggle, and then she most eloquently described it doesn't matter. She said, "I know no matter what his struggle or weakness in that area, there is no one else I would rather walk through hell with, I love him that much." It hit me so strongly I actually got a little physically dizzy. My friend and I used to say the same thing to each other. One time she texted me and said "enjoy hell alone." Then she and I both learned neither of us want to have to walk through that alone. We used to say that no matter what happens we would be there for each other.
It shocked me to the core that here is some lady telling me that she doesn't care what weakness her husband has, she would walk through and go through anything with him. What? People do that? He pushes her away at times and she doesn't leave? You mean there are people out there when they say they unconditionally love you, they mean it? I was floored. Not really though because one of my best friends for over twenty five years has been there for me through everything as well. But here I was hearing that her hubby has the exact same weakness that I have. And she didn't leave!!! There is goodness in the world. I asked her what helps her stay. And low and behold the answer I have been talking about the last few days....vulnerability. She said, they talk about the weakness openly. He is honest with her. He still tests her but is honest with her about his weakness and his feelings of worrying about being abandoned. Holy cow batman! I think we are on to something.
The key to loving is integrity and vulnerability. It allows people to love and be compassionate. I didn't allow my friend to be compassionate because although I shared more with her than anyone, I didn't share everything. It was like she had to put together a puzzle missing a third of the pieces. I thought I was protecting myself from her leaving. Yup that didn't work.
It shocked me to the core that here is some lady telling me that she doesn't care what weakness her husband has, she would walk through and go through anything with him. What? People do that? He pushes her away at times and she doesn't leave? You mean there are people out there when they say they unconditionally love you, they mean it? I was floored. Not really though because one of my best friends for over twenty five years has been there for me through everything as well. But here I was hearing that her hubby has the exact same weakness that I have. And she didn't leave!!! There is goodness in the world. I asked her what helps her stay. And low and behold the answer I have been talking about the last few days....vulnerability. She said, they talk about the weakness openly. He is honest with her. He still tests her but is honest with her about his weakness and his feelings of worrying about being abandoned. Holy cow batman! I think we are on to something.
The key to loving is integrity and vulnerability. It allows people to love and be compassionate. I didn't allow my friend to be compassionate because although I shared more with her than anyone, I didn't share everything. It was like she had to put together a puzzle missing a third of the pieces. I thought I was protecting myself from her leaving. Yup that didn't work.
You see, this quote screams to me that judging is just saying your weaknesses are less of a weakness than others. And really they are not. To put it bluntly, everyone's poop stinks. Let's just help each other get rid of the stink.
By judging other's weaknesses it gives us the chance to give a blind eye to our weaknesses. We don't have to look at our crap and see if it smells. We can avoid being vulnerable and saying I need you, or I need help. We can go under our protective layer of judging others. I did this in my marriage with my ex at times. He would do something I didn't think was in line with the gospel or something and it was easier for me to look at his crap then look at mine.
We will want to protect ourselves emotionally because it is easier to not take a risk of someone rejecting us. It is easier to not love or forgive because of the big what if of if they hurt us again.
Pushing vulnerability out is a huge indicator of a lack of integrity. The next post will talk about this. Being able to say that I would walk through hell for you because you are important to me and important to God is a big indicator of integrity. Walking through hell with a friend, spouse, acquaintance or child takes vulnerability, courage, and the risk of exposing yourself emotionally to hurt and pain. But the rewards are equal to the risk.
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