Shadows, or the dark side of every human being, are something we all try and hide. I'm not anymore. Standing firm in my desire to be one who can join the ranks of the fellowship of the unashamed...I am embracing my shadows, realizing they are what make me who I am. I will post my discoveries about my shadows and how they have propelled me into my new frame of thinking.
Over the last few weeks, I have been typing and researching and looking for answers. I was devastated at the losing of a friend I never thought in a million years would happen. She promised me on the very first day if I opened up to her, she would never leave me. Wrong, she did! And it was a good thing actually because I never would have discovered all of this information and tools about loving that I have these last two weeks.
Now if you have not been hiding under a rock and have a teenager that uses facebook, you may have seen that the teens are into posting what are called "truth is" posts. This basically means that if you want a friend to comment on your board, they have to tell you a truth. Well, here is my truth...I originally started this blog for all the wrong reasons. I thought that if I wrote about forgiveness my friend would see the light and realize that what she was doing was wrong and unacceptable to God. But an interesting thing happened...I began to see I was changing. I was the one who needed to see. My research and thoughts and feelings were all changing for the good. My intentions were wrong at first, it was not out of love but for a call to love.
Now another big "aha" moment. In my searching and praying and pondering I have found the secret to life. Where my friend looked at our "in the grand scheme of the eternities, really small, problem" as an end all to our friendship, she missed out on one of the coolest opportunities that could have existed. Needless to say, I won't let this opportunity for love and change go by the wayside. It is told in the scriptural story of Adam and Eve that without partaking of the fruit, Adam and Eve would not have had any joy because they didn't know sorrow, they couldn't do good for they knew no sin. Taking that concept, which is a universal law of opposites, then my friend and I should have been able to experience more joy and happiness in our friendship than most because we knew of the sorrow and heartache.
From all of the research and learning that I have done and gone through, I have learned that a lot of my dark shadows from my past are what interfered with my relationship with my good friend. Bless her heart she tried. I have many insecurities from my past that I let affect my behaviors. However, the good news is now, I recognize them and embrace them as part of me. I'm glad for the experiences I have had and the shadows I have because they make up the duality of me. Because I can be all that and a bag of chips too! Yummy!
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