How do you define love?

I found this post this morning while searching for some topics from Sheri Dew.  I am going to copy it straight from the blog I found today because the blog post is fitting to my situation now as well.  At the bottom, I will post my thoughts. In case you want to go straight to the blog, here is the link. http://nineisenough.wordpress.com/2012/12/07/how-do-you-define-love/

We will have a new little one entering our home next week. I received a call today asking if we could take a placement of a 3 year old little boy as a foster child for the next few months as he prepares to transition home. Of course I was a bit perplexed. If he is transitioning home, why is his current placement disrupting? Does he have extreme behaviors that his current foster home can’t handle? If so, I probably wasn’t interested as we already have enough difficult behaviors in some of our children.

I was reassured the problem didn’t stem from him but rather from his foster parents. They have had this little guy for almost 16 months and claim they love him so much they wanted to adopt him. Yesterday, however, the judge ruled in favor of the biological mother, saying that she was making enough progress on her case plan that he deemed she was ready for unsupervised visits. Apparently this upset the foster parents enough that they showed up at a Child and Family Team meeting today saying, “Get him out of our house asap.”

So, this is how they define love? They loved him enough to want to have him be a part of their family forever, but as soon as the case didn’t go their way, they didn’t even stop to think about how their actions will affect their foster son?

How do children learn to attach and trust? By our example and by teaching them that we are worthy of their attachment and trust. By showing them that we will be there for them no matter what. By hanging in there for them even when the going gets tough. That’s also how I define love.

Understand that I have had foster children who returned back to bio family where I didn’t think it was in the child’s best interest. I have sent kids home wondering if they will come right back into the system. But as hard as it was, I stayed by them not only physically but emotionally as well. I might have shed many tears after they left, but I loved them enough to be there for them through the transition back home.

I admit in situations like this one, I often wonder who are the adults. One of his counselors told me that they are going to approach this move by talking to him about being brave. How it will be hard, but how he is making progress in returning home to his mother. They will also talk to him about getting to our home soon enough before Christmas so Santa will know where to find him.

They couldn’t have hung in there for a few more months and helped him transition back to his mother? They couldn’t be emotional support for her as they tell her his bedtime routine and if he likes a book or a song before turning out the lights?

Instead, he is asked to be the brave one? My heart goes out to this little guy. I’m sure his first removal from his biological home was traumatic enough. Moving a second time shouldn’t have to be equally difficult. His second move should be to go back home, not to a stranger’s home yet again.

We will love him. We will give him snuggles and the TLC he deserves and whether or not I feel that his biological mother is 100% ready for his return, it is my job to let go when ordered by a judge. It is not always easy, but being there for the child is how I define love. His feelings, his loss, his attachment should come first. That’s also how I define acting like an adult.

My thoughts...

First, what a wonderful lady! What a wonderful definition of love she has.

 In my own situation, my friend's family called us family, till we were too hard; now they don't even say hi.  The people who my kids called grandma and grandpa, aunt and uncle, now will walk by without a glance.  It is Christmas Eve and we used to spend this night with them. Even though we are alone this year, we have the three of us. We can spend the night reflecting on how to love others more and the Savior. It's sad the people we thought had taken us, turned because they didn't know how to love like the Savior does. Now this is harsh I know, I am speaking out of hurt and a little with my mama bear claws out. You can hurt me but to hurt my kids is unacceptable. I will go and repent now.

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