I am going to go out on a limb here and tell you that in certain aspects of my life, I like control. Certain aspects like....all aspects. Yes, I am one who likes to control the environment around my life. I keep my friends separate, my life details secret, my bank account clean (till my divorce), my kids under wraps, health stuff secret, and todo lists checked off.
Recently, when my friend decided to end our friendship, I wanted to control that too. I am a believer in the concept of free agency, except when it comes to affecting my life. It's not so much that I struggle with other's free agency as it is that I struggle with the consequences of how they exercised their free agency.
For instance, when my husband left after 17 years of marriage, the consequences we have endured because of that choice have been drastic. We lost all our money, we lost our family, lost some friends. When one of my preschoolers took up his free agency and started calling me Miss Barbara for no apparent reason, lol, I live with the consequence of being known by some as "Babs." Now that is put in for some comic relief but you get the picture. To each person's act or exercise in free agency, there is a consequence. Some are good consequences and some are not.
So with my need to control the situation of my friend leaving, I wanted to force them to forgive me. I mean come on, that's what this whole blog is about, right? Show them that by not forgiving they are doing the wrong thing...Well, it did initially start out that way. But that's when it happened. When you least expect it, the miracles come a flowing.
As I tried really hard to control that my friend and her family forgive me, I realized I can't. Yes, agency, that word that is hard to swallow at times, comes in to play. It is their choice whether they want to be apart of our lives or not. The only choice I have in the matter is for me to repent and make amends.
To be continued...I have to go to basketball!
No comments:
Post a Comment