Ignore-ance is Bliss! Pun intended...

Last night at soccer, I had a good visit with a friend about my situation and the recent hurt I've been feeling. She made the point that in the case of her ex-husband, if he ignores her then he doesn't have to accept the full responsibility in the hurt that occurred between the two. He is able to move on and not revisit the pain because he pretends he did nothing wrong. He is in survival mode. If I don't look at it, it doesn't exist.

I have to say, I agree with her assessment totally. In the case of my ex-husband and my best friend of the past 3 years, I have seen this with both of them. If you know about the rainbow color code book by Hartmann, it is their color yellow that I think comes out. The one that if it's too hard, let's not do it because it's not fun. They justify they have done enough already in the not fun category and it's time to move on and find some healing and fun.  Now let me make a disclaimer here: I'm sure I have made much worse mistakes than their lack of responsibility that I'm speaking of here.

Anyway, in the case of my ex-husband, when he got caught doing some things, he bailed. He packed up and left when he was made aware that he had been caught. He did everything he could to justify his actions for leaving, even telling me it was because I betrayed him by asking for a blessing when I found out what he had been doing. (side note, my ex and I have a great relationship now, and we don't harbor ill feelings toward one another.)

Then in the case of my supposed best friend, when I pushed her button of calling her a hypocrite several times for the hurt that was in our friendship, one day it was too much for her and she started ignoring me. I haven't heard from her since. She had done this once before and ignored me for about a week. This seems to be a pattern in her family. When I first met her, her sister ignored her sister in law and cut her out of her life for a year and a half on a hurtful misunderstanding. My friend cut out a person before me because of perceived hurt as well. Her mom will disappear for a few days from life if she is feeling hurt.

(I'm sure this post would have them ducking for cover instead of looking at themselves and saying wow this is a weakness I'm going to work on.) In fact, me looking at their weakness with this is just a cover so I don't have to work on mine as much, lol! But the hurt of their ignoring is killing me and has been very hurtful to my kids. This friend was at our house for 3 years straight 75% of the time. And yes, she not only ignored me, but my kids as well. Ok, enough of my hurt coming out, I will shove that away and get back to the post.

You see, to some people ignoring or displacing responsibility and blame are a defense mechanism.  It's the way they cope, it's the way they move forward.  I am sure, I have just as many unhealthy, if not more, coping skills than my friend and ex.  However, when my friend was talking about it last night, it really made me think.

Wouldn't it be easier or at least better, if everyone involved in any situations of hurt could separate the actions of others from the person and sit down in love and compassion and take responsibility and forgive each other??? It is hard work when you have the knowledge of how much you have hurt someone, it's best not to hurt others, but when you do the blisters of repairing and making amends is much more appealing than sticking your head in the sand and pretending a person or their hurt doesn't exist.

Don't worry my next post will be about my side and how I shouldn't make posts about things like this. lol!