I am going to continue on this vulnerability practice and start by saying, I am scared. I'm scared that I am not worthy of connection, I'm scared I have failed in this life. I am scared I am not good enough. I'm scared I failed the test. I'm scared there isn't time to fix me. I'm scared I let those I cared about the most down.
Brene Brown said this on her blog...
"I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging - something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.
I don't believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous."
I am in a dangerous shame cycle. Switching to a guilt cycle where I say my behavior was wrong instead of I'm wrong, can move me to love connectedness and closer connections. Being more vulnerable and risking things emotionally can move me to more love.
I was thinking of how this can help me with forgiveness, both seeking it and giving it.
First, asking for forgiveness... I came to the conclusion that it takes a lot of vulnerability to be able to ask someone to forgive you. It takes courage, it takes love, it takes God. It is an emotional risk. What if the offended tells you they want nothing to do with you? What if they tell you they can't forgive you? What if they tell you they never want to see you again?
Or extending forgiveness...It takes a lot of vulnerability and courage to extend forgiveness to someone who has hurt you. It takes courage, it takes love, it takes God. It is an emotional risk. What if the offender offends you again. What if they hurt you again? What if they walk on you again? What if they abuse, destroy, bring you down, lie to you, knock you around, again?
Yes, there are a lot of what if's in radical forgiveness. But what about these what if's? What if I don't seek forgiveness? What if I don't try and make amends? What if I don't have the courage to be vulnerable and ask for forgiveness? What if I don't do as God expects and ask for forgiveness?
Yes there are a lot of what if's in radical forgiveness in extending forgiveness. But what about these what if's? What if I don't extend the forgiveness, will God extend me forgiveness? What if I don't extend forgiveness, will I ever be able to let go of anger, hate, and search for justice? What if I don't extend forgiveness, will I ever be able to feel connected to God?
The lists can go on and on and on. I think it's plain to see that being vulnerable and having the courage to both seek forgiveness and extend forgiveness has a payoff much greater than sitting in the muck, pit, and weakness of non forgiveness that destroys the human spirit and their connection with God.
Again, a quote from Eyring stating how important it is to set shame aside, be vulnerable and move with courage...
The pavilion that seems to be hiding you from God may be fear of man rather than this desire to serve others. The Savior’s only motivation was to help people. Many of you, as I have, have felt fear in approaching someone you have offended or who has hurt you. And yet I have seen the Lord melt hearts time after time, including my own. And so I challenge you to go for the Lord to someone, despite any fear you may have, to extend love andforgiveness. I promise you that as you do, you will feel the love of the Savior for that person and His love for you, and it will not seem to come from a great distance. For you, that challenge may be in a family, it may be in a community, or it may be across a nation.
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