My article that's getting published....forgiveness! Supa long post.

“Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ.” –Jeffrey R. Holland

Making mistakes is a part of mortality. Part of finding true joy is learning to forgive others and forgive yourself. Don’t let a misstep or misunderstanding get in the way of your happy ending.

Recently, after the parting of a dear friendship, I turned to the scriptures, other books and anything I could find, on the subject of forgiveness. You see, I am one of those people who seem to have to seek forgiveness quite often in one's life. No matter how hard I try to overcome weaknesses in my life, they somehow seem to find ways to surface. The factors involved in the dissolution of this dear friendship, are non-relevant, but suffice it to say, my fault. Sin, hurt, and disrespect are some of the keywords involved in the separation of this kindred union. Through this trial, I searched for answers on how to extend forgiveness and receive forgiveness. Let me state here, I much more needed forgiveness than needed to extend forgiveness.

As I turned to the scriptures, I found many that talked of the necessity of the role of forgiveness and repentance. I teach preschool and have found that children are a great example of extending forgiveness. Kids will often take toys from each other and not want to share, may even hit their best friend, and yet turnaround and 5 minutes later be playing with the offender once more. I remember growing up age six or seven, having a fight with my best friend (I think even a bite was involved) and saying she can't play with me. Within two hours we were at her pool swimming the day away.

So why do we as adults struggle so much with extending forgiveness to others? Is it because the offenses and hurts are often times much larger and more hurtful? Is it because our hearts have been through much more and it's our defense mechanism? Is it our egos? Is it the insistence of friends and family members not to forgive and love?

The scriptures say, it doesn't matter! We are to forgive. “Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.”(D&C 64:34–35) “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:9–10). There are many other scriptures I could list here as well. It is clear as day.

I am going to make a bold claim that we need to step it up in the forgiveness arena. It is not merely enough to say that you have forgiven someone but that you won't forget, or say that you forgive them but are not going to help them home. We are brothers and sisters, we have a common goal, a common outcome, a common purpose; to get home to our Heavenly Father. We all sin, we just sin differently. To judge one's persons weaknesses as worse than your own is wrong. We all need Christ, we all need forgiveness. The Lord says, “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more” (D&C 58:42). If the Lord remembers them no more, why should we? Do we want the Lord to have the attitude that He can forgive but not forget? No! So we need to step up our game and try as we might, to follow the Savior's example in forgiveness.

One day as I was reading Green Eggs and Ham, by Dr. Seuss, to my preschoolers, it hit me. Everything I have been learning about giving and seeking forgiveness has been centered around concepts that to me are a little foreign, a little different looking, and definitely hard to swallow. I mean, I'm really expected to love the offender as if nothing happened? But she hurt me! But I don't want her in my space! But what if it happens again? My ego screamed, “no way will I let that person back in my life, but I will say I forgive them.”

Just like in the book Green Eggs and Ham, Sam I Am chases an unknown character around trying to convince him to eat of green eggs and ham, God has done the same thing with me. Yes, I'm expected to forgive, yes I'm expected to let people back in my space, yes I'm supposed to love with a God like love. Indeed, God has done it to several people, chase them trying to get them to try something that looks different. And guess what? When I tasted the green eggs and ham, I liked them! The different thing God may be chasing us around with, is forgiving and loving in a God-like Christ-centered way, deeper than ever before.

So how do we forgive someone fully, the way the Lord intends for us to forgive someone? I guess it's easier for me to illustrate what it's like being a prisoner of being the one who offends others.

This past Christmas season was the hardest I've ever had, due in part to my friendship ending. You see, I'm a single mom, without any siblings, trying to raise two kids. When I became a single mom, the Lord blessed me with my friend. Elder Burton Howard said, “If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. … It becomes special because you have made it so. I didn't do the things to care for the friendship and treat it as the gift God blessed me with. So this Christmas season, I would watch the Church messages and devotionals, read Uchtdorf's Stop IT test, with a renewed spirit, hoping and begging the Lord that my friend would feel this spirit and forgive me with open arms. I was hoping and praying for a reconciliation to be apart of the traditions we shared with her and her extended family. Hoping for a reconciliation to continue our divinely placed friendship.

As each passing day came, ignoring continued, my heart sunk. How could it be? This person I loved dearly and who felt the same for me couldn't forgive, or let us partake of the Atonement? Couldn't we heal and support each other in God's will once more? I was a prisoner. I chose to check out of life with my kids, my other friends, and mope! A simple phone call, a letter, or a text, could have made the difference.

That's when it hit me, I need to make sure I always extend forgiveness to anyone who has or may hurt me. The Green Eggs and Ham Heavenly Father has been chasing me with, forgive others completely, to a Christ like level.

In James Ferrell's book “Falling to Heaven” he describes forgiveness as “repenting of my failing to love. Forgiveness is simply the word we use to describe this kind of repentance.” So he says that when you forgive someone you are just saying sorry you didn't love them through it all anyway. He goes on to say that forgiveness is the most “crucial kind of repentance” there is. If we don't repent of withholding forgiveness then we won't be forgiven. So how's it done you are asking?

Love! As I have been learning, and is easier said than done at times, love is God's way. It is the easiest, quickest, most healing, righteous way to following God's directive and moving forward. Have God like compassion for others mistakes, weaknesses, and struggles they are dealing with. You see, even though you may be suffering while you love someone, that is the example the Savior set for us. Think about His sufferings in Gethsamene or His experience on the cross. You see, if we are all truly brothers and sisters in the spiritual sense, which is much more than the physical sense, then our devotion to each other and working things out through God-like love should be priority.

When the Savior suffered for our sins, He didn't say, “Okay, you hurt me, I need some space from you and time to heal.” In fact, He saw a greater need to love us, He begs for us to draw closer to Him. If we have this same attitude and compassion and love for our offender's we will truly draw closer to God. We will help open the doors to healing for ourselves and open the prison doors for those who are seeking forgiveness.

That brings the question, how do we seek forgiveness from others? The question begs the same simple answer. Repentance and Love! For what felt like the longest time, after the falling out with my friend, I would react, seek ways to get her to forgive me, seek ways for her to understand my weaknesses, and seek for ways for her to feel compassion towards me. Then it hit me! Free agency! No matter what my friend chooses to do with our friendship, it is my responsibility to repent, love her more, and make amends to the best of my ability. I cannot force her back in my life, force her to forgive me, force her to see anything. Those are her choices. But it's my choice to repent and act out of love.

I was driving home one night when the thought came to me, “you have done all that you can, now sit back and let Me work miracles.” I learned a lesson that night, that I was trying to force someone back in my life because I was seeking forgiveness the wrong way. The way you seek forgiveness is by repentance. When your heart hurts, repent. When you are struggling, repent. Whether you are repenting that you did something to offend someone or repenting that you failed to love someone, the answer still is, repent!

This past October conference Uchtdorf spoke on regret. He said, “However, the older we get, the more we tend to look back and marvel at how short that road really is. We wonder how the years could have passed so quickly. And we begin to think about the choices we made and the things we have done. In the process, we remember many sweet moments that give warmth to our souls and joy to our hearts. But we also remember the regrets- the things we wish we could go back and change.” However, the Atonement, repentance, and extending forgiveness goes a long way in minimizing regrets. I struggle with these things but am learning the quicker we do these things the less regrets and quicker the healing power of the Atonement can take place.

Eyring in the same conference gives us this closing advice. He emphasizes the great need to both seeking forgiveness and extending forgiveness. “The pavilion that seems to be hiding you from God may be fear of man rather than this desire to serve others. The Savior’s only motivation was to help people. Many of you, as I have, have felt fear in approaching someone you have offended or who has hurt you. And yet I have seen the Lord melt hearts time after time, including my own. And so I challenge you to go for the Lord to someone, despite any fear you may have, to extend love and forgiveness. I promise you that as you do, you will feel the love of the Savior for that person and His love for you, and it will not seem to come from a great distance. For you, that challenge may be in a family, it may be in a community, or it may be across a nation.”