I am not enough...I am not lovable....I am not worthy of you.

Dr. Brené Brown: The Two Most Dangerous

Brene Brown expresses exactly what my ego has been saying to me. I allowed what happened between my pbff and I to shatter my self worth. My ego told me I am not enough, that's why she left our life. I am not lovable, that's why she ignores. And I am not worthy of other's love, that's why her entire family pulled out of our life.

You see, when we first became bff's, we were both single moms, recently divorced, and we picked up the slack for each other. Her family became mine. I am an only child and my parents live in a different state. So to have her and her family in our life was a huge blessing, a tender mercy from the Lord you might say.

But I let what happened between us affect me and shame me. I wasn't vulnerable. Now I am. Now I tell my story so I can find the connection and compassion and I know thankfully that I am enough. If someone chooses not to love me or be apart of our lives because of my weaknesses, I can't change that. I just have to believe in my divine worth and know that I am doing my best, serving, trying, loving, and being a mom to my kiddos. And that, that is enough. I want the friend who is going to love me because of my weaknesses and everything I bring to the table, not despite my weaknesses. 

And I will make sure to choose to love others and their weaknesses because they are enough. We are tied through something greater than us all. We are all family, blood or not.

Practice Forgiveness...

Practicing Forgiveness?

If at first you don't succeed....try, try, try again!

This is a quote known to most of us. And I think it is very applicable when it comes to forgiveness. Forgiveness is hard. In my friendship that ended with my dear friend, I have been struggling with forgiving myself and her. It takes practice and a lot of try, try, try again. (find story in continuous atonement about making same mistakes over and over again. This coming week is the week we would normally be going to bear lake with them. Instead we will sit at home and wish things were different. We will hurt, ache, and miss them, but we will practice forgiveness. The definition of practice is below.

Practice:

Noun The actual application or use of an idea, belief, or method as opposed to theories about such application or use.

Verb Perform (an activity) or exercise (a skill) repeatedly or regularly in order to improve or maintain one's proficiency.

Practicing forgiveness can be hard, difficult, hopeless at times, and downright undesirable. Sometimes we wish for revenge, plot and reel from the damage that's been done to us whether real or perceived. But when taking into consideration the Verb form of the definition of practicing it says to perform or exercise forgiveness repeatedly or regularly in order to improve or maintain proficiency. This is exactly what is great about the news! See I believe firmly that our hearts and spirits want to forgive and love others always. It's part of our divine nature. So when we continually fall and find imperfection in the ones we are trying to forgive, we gotta get back on the horse and practice more, practice with prayer, and practice unceasingly.

Part of why I write this blog is so that I can keep reminding myself and having accountability in seeking repentance, extending forgiveness, and loving with a Christlike love. And I am going to be a little vulnerable here and tell you a secret....I SUCK AT IT! But I keep trying. 

As quoted from wikipedia and earlier version of the story of the "the Little Train that Could" we learn a great deal of motivation to keep trying to forgive. We may think we will never be able to forgive someone who has hurt us so deeply, but we can. Here is the earlier version...

"A little railroad engine was employed about a station yard for such work as it was built for, pulling a few cars on and off the switches. One morning it was waiting for the next call when a long train of freight-cars asked a large engine in the roundhouse to take it over the hill. "I can't; that is too much a pull for me," said the great engine built for hard work. Then the train asked another engine, and another, only to hear excuses and be refused. In desperation, the train asked the little switch engine to draw it up the grade and down on the other side. "I think I can," puffed the little locomotive, and put itself in front of the great heavy train. As it went on the little engine kept bravely puffing faster and faster, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

As it neared the top of the grade, which had so discouraged the larger engines, it went more slowly. However, it still kept saying, "I—think—I—can, I—think—I—can." It reached the top by drawing on bravery and then went on down the grade, congratulating itself by saying, "I thought I could, I thought I could.""

We too can find forgiveness for anyone, it just may take a lot of practice, falling down and getting up, falling to our knees, and the understanding that we would want our Father in Heaven to forgive us, so it is required we forgive. Practice makes perfect. 

Karen Armstrong, the golden rule, and forgiveness...

“In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” 

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Friendship, Forgiving, Compassion, and the Golden Rule

In this video Karen talks about how people are more concerned with being right rather than doing right. She talks about the opposite of the golden rule which is don't do to others what we don't want them to do with us. She talks about the global impact and society but I want to bring it back to a personal note and share what it means personally and with forgiveness.

For instance, we have a choice to forgive those who have hurt us with the golden rule that we want others to forgive us. We can look at the opposite which is we don't want to hate those who have hurt us because we don't want others who we've hurt to hate us.

Let's take it one step further. We forgive others because we want our God to forgive us.

My pbff has been ignoring me now for 6 mos under the pretense she can't fix what she did to me and what I did to her. I knowing how bad it hurts must never ignore someone else. I have to look at her story, find compassion and treat her the way I would hope she would me. This to me is compassionate thinking. Tell me what you think about this video. Warning: this is deep.

Challenge those you see who are not compassionate whether personally, locally, within your community, your religion, push compassion.

A World Without Forgiveness? Can we forgive and love even the deepest of harms, suffering, and hurt?

Can you imagine a world without forgiveness? What would it look like world wide? What would it look like in your own community? What would it look like in your own home? What would it look like in your heart? What would it look like in the presence of your God if there were no forgiveness?

In this video Thich Nhat Hanh gives me an "aha" moment. He talks about how only true understanding can bring about true forgiveness. He says that having a willingness to forgive is not enough. That you cannot truly understand and forgive until you see the person/s who caused the harms side and see their suffering. This is what then gives you the compassion to truly forgive and love them. My "aha" moment is this is what God is so capable of doing. He sees us with complete, compassion, understanding our sufferings, fears, etc. which played a part in our wrong doing. God has complete and full compassion which is what allows Him to forgive us so easily. When we can see someone else from God's eyes then it's not a problem to forgive someone no matter how great the injury they caused us. I'm not saying it's easy or instant, just right and possible. The compassion allows us to forgive and love the person.





Without forgiveness, there would be no hope. It would literally be a destructive chain of suffering.
One of my favorite books is called Left to Tell. It is a story of forgiveness. Suffering can elevate us or it can hang us over the pits of hell waiting to cut line at any minute. The choice is ours.

Forgiveness can be done with the architecture of never letting it happen again. It is a deep process of the heart and you need to honor the betrayal, the hurt, the damage, and such. Forgiveness is not sentimental, it is from the heart. It is a tearing of the closeness of the heart. Sometimes the hurt is what brings us back to what matters most, to love to life, to God. Seeing the other person with compassion can teach us many lessons.

Those who forgive the most and the deepest are of the most holy. They are the most like God. I believe this is true because they are also the ones who will be the most forgiven.

Courage, compassion, and connectivity with being vulnerable and forgiving.

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.
--Thich Nhat Hanh

We are all in this together. Now take for instance my situation with my pbff. She left not out of love. She left because she didn't get the secret to life. Our connectedness. Her family didn't understand it, they were working under the pretense of protection and not vulnerability. I was working under hurt and reactions. However, I have learned that I have to be vulnerable and tell my story and have empathy and courage to connect with others.

I had to decide that I will not leave a legacy of hate towards them or my ex. The jerks. Just kidding. In all honesty, I want more for my kids. I want them to learn what I wasn't able to earlier. Love more those who hurt you, love more those who are hard. Have compassion and forgiveness beyond measure. Do good to those that hate you. Pray for those that despitefully use you. Easier than said when sometimes you want to tell those people who have hurt you to get a frickin clue. That's the honest part. But it's not the right part.

The freedom to choose your spirit despite your circumstance. You can choose to love more those who have hurt you, or you can choose to ignore, or you can choose to be angry and upset. You choose your spirit. Some people that come to mind are Nelson Mandela after robben island, Victor Frankl after the concentration camps. They chose their spirit. They were courageous, vulnerable, and moving the world to a better place.

Forgiveness is the ability to let go the suffering, the sorrows, the burden, the pain, the humiliation, the damage, the hurt, and betrayals of the past and instead choose the higher law of love. I often wonder if my pbff and her family would have come to us and said we love you, we care about you, we are here for you, we want to help and be empathetic, what the difference would have made. I wonder how different it might have looked if I would have been vulnerable enough and shared what was really going on and had the courage to expose my feelings and loved more and not reacted. 

But I am choosing to do so now. I am choosing my spirit to love them more despite hurt that is still in our paths. I want my children to learn forgiveness and love through being able to be vulnerable, finding the courage to love, have compassion, and connect with others. 

“If you want to see the brave, look at those who can forgive. If you want to see the heroic, look at those who can love in return for hatred.”

― Krishna Dharma

What is Shame? Dr. Brene Brown

Shame is lethal, shame is deadly. I am sharing this because I believe it so much. I will not give power to my shame... These are the three ingredients Brene says grows shame; secrecy, silency and judgement.

Dr. Brené Brown: "Shame Is Lethal"

Shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown says shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It's the most primitive human emotion we all feel—and the one no one wants to talk about. If left to its own devices, Dr. Brown says, shame can destroy lives. Watch as she reveals the three things shame requires to grow—and the one thing that can stop shame in its tracks.

I hope you know I had a hard time...

Really struggling today....And I hate cancer. Amazing little girl.

Teddy and me...Getting real up in the grill.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs.... [And] if he fails, at least fails while Daring Greatly." --Theodore Roosevelt

There is a book called Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, who is currently my fav social worker in the world. She is amazing...introduced to me by my dearest friend. My friend is the one that gave me the courage to Dare Greatly and trust others that they will love me for my weaknesses not despite my weaknesses. She has taught me the true meaning of friendship, love and family.  I truly am blessed to have met someone as loving, kind, and spiritual as she. We have known each other for over two and half decades and she is a rock in my family foundation. Never moving.

Sorry, got off topic here for a minute. So I want to be the person that stands in the arena of vulnerability and who is marred by the dust and sweat and blood of never quitting despite all of my weaknesses and insecurities. And if I do fail, well then, I too, will fail while Daring Greatly. I will not fail by not trying, or listening to those who encourage me to take the weak way out. I will embrace the truth of who I am, my capabilities, and seek to overcome them and become what the divine nature in me has to offer. I will find compassion for those who have tossed me to the side, or not taken the time to get to know the real me. I will find healing balm for those I have hurt. I will seek to build others and grow through seeking the divine within.

I will dare greatly to engage, show compassion, seek forgiveness, give forgiveness, and move to who I was meant to be because of who I am. 

My commitment to daring greatly will take me to areas of being vulnerable and sharing with you some of my deepest, not scary, sometimes dark parts of who I am, because it will more exhibit the light I have. Wow, now that was deep. I don't even know who is typing this. 

Ok, quick funny story...I was talking to my son about vulnerability and we were playing soccer. Needless to say, I hurt my foot that had already been broken playing soccer once, when my son looked at me and said, "Mom, soccer hates you, maybe it's time to hang up the boots." Yes, I am getting older. How was that for embracing a vulnerability?

Here's to daring greatly and finding courage, compassion and connection through being vulnerable. I may be intermixing Brene's awesomeness, but this makes sense to me. 

Sharing your shame story with the wrong people.

Recently, my pbff made a threat to me after she felt threatened (kind of like the fight or flight post previous to this one). The back up story is this. Very early on I trusted my pbff with some sensitive shame info. She told me at that time it was ok to tell her because she would never tell anyone and she would never leave me. I opened up my heart and shared what most people would never dream of. When she left, I told her that it was a good thing I keep my word because she could have her license in her profession taken away as well as her family's reputation hurt. I said this as a way of proving that I still had her back. I wanted her to know that with everything going down, I still cared enough to not do what my counselor suggested which was to turn her into the licensing board. She took this as a threat. And when she did, she said this to me the other day..."What is it you are saying because just remember that no matter what you know about me, I know all about your past and will tell too." My pbff even did what she accused my ex of doing which was threatening to tell and this after saying how horrible it was for him to do that. This video below showed me why I shared with the wrong person. She was in a position of power over me and in a trusted profession. I shared with her my deepest fears, weaknesses, and struggles because I thought she was what Brene Brown shared as being the one person that would love me because of my weaknesses. Not despite them.

That being said, I believe she was one of the biggest blessings in my life. I learned more from her than anyone else.

Paradox and the Natural Man, Fight or Flight, Oh My...Big topics

So the last few days, I have been thinking a lot about the natural man and it's tendencies when one is hurt. We have a thing called fight or flight response, see the definition provided by Wikipedia...

The fight-or-flight response (also called the fight-or-flight-or-freeze response, hyperarousal, or the acute stress response) is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceivedharmful event, attack, or threat to survival.^[1] It was first described by Walter Bradford Cannon.^[a][2] by sympathetic nervous system activation that innervates the adrenal medulla, producing a hormonal cascade that results in the secretion of catecholamines, especially.^[3] The reaction is activated by the autonomic nervous system, which primes the animal for fighting or fleeing.^[4]

And having this fight or flight response can be a great thing, or it can be a detrimental thing in some cases. For instance, when you are feeling attacked, left, or threatened, your fight or flight can help in most instances, or it may hurt. When I went through counseling with my ex, he explained that when my ex hurt me, my fight response kicked in. He would say something harsh and I would attack him right back with mean words. In the case of my dear friend, she would do something unintentionally that was hurtful and I would say mean things to her. Again, the fight response kicking in; thinking that this would help save me, when in fact it helped push those I loved away.

So in thinking about the fight or flight response and the natural man, which means unrepentant man, I have come up with a theory or supported one in the Falling to Heaven book. In FTH, Ferrell talks about paradoxes or doing the opposite of what you might think you should. He gives a sporting example like when you are going to rebound a basketball the best move is to move away from the basket, block out your opponent and grab the rebound even if your first gut instinct is to move towards the basket.

So in looking at this and forgiveness, I have a theory that we should do exact opposite of what our natural instinct is when we are flooded with hurt and anger. For instance, if someone has hurt you and they are saying mean things, you may want to say mean things back. Do not! In fact, make sure you say really kind things to everyone you meet about this person. If someone is ignoring you, as in my case, make sure you continually say hi, go out of your way to do kind things, etc. I wasn't doing this until recently but I realized a great thing. Then their ignoring is going to be on their shoulders. They will have to explain one day to God why they couldn't come to a reconciliation and loving approach. When you want them to hurt because they have hurt you, pray harder, fast more, for them! What? Yes, that's right. Do the opposite of what your fight or flight response is sending you. Love them more!

Now, I get that some cases are extremely hard. Your kids may have been hurt by another, your family members may have been hurt, or the hurt is inexcusable. That's when I have to go back to two previous points in some prior posts. What if it was the Savior's sister that hurt you? Would you forgive her completely and want to help her? Yes! Well guess what? It is the Savior's sister or brother that has hurt you. We are tied by divine nature. The second point is, if you did something inexcusable would you want the Savior to forgive you or walk away? That is exactly why we must forgive others. Just because we sin differently or hurt people differently, doesn't mean we don't hurt others. We need forgiveness which requires us to step up our forgiving.

Phewwww!!!! That was long and a little not great but hopefully my next post I will describe some actual situations where it illustrates these points.

Worth of a Soul

I love this saying because for the last 6 months I have felt like I have zero worth. Then I was reminded of Robin Williams saying...

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone . . . it's not! The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone." 
- Robin Williams

When you have been surrounded by people who tell you they love you unconditionally and then the rug is pulled out from under you, it makes you question who you are. Are you really unlovable? Are you really of such low value or such a bad person that another would not want anything to do with you? These are questions I was asking myself. Then I got the answer....it doesn't matter what they think. It matters what my Heavenly Father thinks and knows and what I know about myself.  

Reading Uchtdorf's quote, I know that I have worth. If my pbff or her family doesn't value me or my kids in their life anymore, it really is their loss. We still value them. Amazing people that anyone is lucky enough to rub shoulder's with. God has great things in store for her and her family, she is that kind of person.

But back to my value since this is a let's talk about me blog. I realized that my worth doesn't come in just the form of I'm a good person, etc. It comes into light with I am of divine origin and have divine qualities. So if you know of people struggling and their divine qualities are not showing, it's our responsibility to help them, love them, support them, and recognize that we will be asked by God at the pearly gates, what we did to help them. Often times, at least it's my belief, that sometimes members of the church are so caught up in getting people converted that they don't look to see that people amongst them need just as much help. This is because everyone, sinners and saints, all have worth that can't be measured to our Heavenly Father and many have covenanted to help them. 

I have been a poor example of this up until recently. Which is going to lead to my next post about the Natural Man and doing the opposite of what you want to do sometimes. 

June 10...ugh, I mean it's ok...

Today is June 10th and while I normally dread this day, today I will celebrate the good things that have come into my life. 3 years ago today my divorce was final. It was a sad day. The day that said my soul mate, my eternal companion, and better half and I were no longer married.

But I have forgiven. And I continue to forgive. And I struggle. And I work harder. But that's when I count my blessings. And boy, have I had a lot of blessings come into my life since.

I met my bff and her family when my husband left.
Got a preschool up and running.
Met some amazing people the last 6 mos and have started working on my health.
Have been given some opportunities I didn't think were possible.
Have been blessed with an appreciation for those who love me and my kiddos unconditionally.
Have been able to grow a relationship with my Savior.
Have learned more about myself, the Gospel, and people in general and how to love others.

Grateful for the two most loving, kind kids in the world. Phewww! I am blessed. This reminds me of my ex and my bff. I made decisions today that have freed me in so many ways.

I am lonely...legend! Say hello to me.

There is a movie with Will Smith in it that is called "I am Legend." It is not my type of movie but it I watched it with my teenagers who watch all sorts of movies. The movie's plot is basically a post apocalyptic view after a doctor tried to invent a cure for cancer with a strain of measles which mutated and instead ended up killing 90% of humanity.

Will Smith's character goes through a moment where it is one of the most emotional scenes ever. Thinking there is no one else for him, after his dog dies, he then begs for a mannequin to talk to him. He is so lonely. There is no one for him, he has lost everyone he cares about and loves, and feels entirely alone.

Here is a clip....

I am feeling this way. I know this is TMI but I think there are some huge parallels. In my friendship with my bff that I lost it was due to a good thing mutating to something that killed the friendship as well. So this was quite a lot to take in. Ever since the killing of the friendship I have been begging for her to say hi.

As I know this blog is really over the top about my friend, it is because I lost so much. It breaks my heart they were so quick to say goodbye to us. Guess we offered them nothing. I know this is a pity pony post. But we did lose a lot. We lost her and her entire family. We lost her 3 sisters who my kids called aunts, we lost 2 brothers who my kids called uncles, we lost cousins, grandma and grandpa, and most importantly a best friend and my kids second mom.

I can't do it anymore. I tried fasting, praying, serving, and now I can barely exist. I guess the point of this blog is please forgive people, please extend them love, please don't let people feel like this. Charity never faileth.

And in counting my blessings and in the words of Winnie the Pooh..."How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

My article that's getting published....forgiveness! Supa long post.

“Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ.” –Jeffrey R. Holland

Making mistakes is a part of mortality. Part of finding true joy is learning to forgive others and forgive yourself. Don’t let a misstep or misunderstanding get in the way of your happy ending.

Recently, after the parting of a dear friendship, I turned to the scriptures, other books and anything I could find, on the subject of forgiveness. You see, I am one of those people who seem to have to seek forgiveness quite often in one's life. No matter how hard I try to overcome weaknesses in my life, they somehow seem to find ways to surface. The factors involved in the dissolution of this dear friendship, are non-relevant, but suffice it to say, my fault. Sin, hurt, and disrespect are some of the keywords involved in the separation of this kindred union. Through this trial, I searched for answers on how to extend forgiveness and receive forgiveness. Let me state here, I much more needed forgiveness than needed to extend forgiveness.

As I turned to the scriptures, I found many that talked of the necessity of the role of forgiveness and repentance. I teach preschool and have found that children are a great example of extending forgiveness. Kids will often take toys from each other and not want to share, may even hit their best friend, and yet turnaround and 5 minutes later be playing with the offender once more. I remember growing up age six or seven, having a fight with my best friend (I think even a bite was involved) and saying she can't play with me. Within two hours we were at her pool swimming the day away.

So why do we as adults struggle so much with extending forgiveness to others? Is it because the offenses and hurts are often times much larger and more hurtful? Is it because our hearts have been through much more and it's our defense mechanism? Is it our egos? Is it the insistence of friends and family members not to forgive and love?

The scriptures say, it doesn't matter! We are to forgive. “Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.”(D&C 64:34–35) “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:9–10). There are many other scriptures I could list here as well. It is clear as day.

I am going to make a bold claim that we need to step it up in the forgiveness arena. It is not merely enough to say that you have forgiven someone but that you won't forget, or say that you forgive them but are not going to help them home. We are brothers and sisters, we have a common goal, a common outcome, a common purpose; to get home to our Heavenly Father. We all sin, we just sin differently. To judge one's persons weaknesses as worse than your own is wrong. We all need Christ, we all need forgiveness. The Lord says, “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more” (D&C 58:42). If the Lord remembers them no more, why should we? Do we want the Lord to have the attitude that He can forgive but not forget? No! So we need to step up our game and try as we might, to follow the Savior's example in forgiveness.

One day as I was reading Green Eggs and Ham, by Dr. Seuss, to my preschoolers, it hit me. Everything I have been learning about giving and seeking forgiveness has been centered around concepts that to me are a little foreign, a little different looking, and definitely hard to swallow. I mean, I'm really expected to love the offender as if nothing happened? But she hurt me! But I don't want her in my space! But what if it happens again? My ego screamed, “no way will I let that person back in my life, but I will say I forgive them.”

Just like in the book Green Eggs and Ham, Sam I Am chases an unknown character around trying to convince him to eat of green eggs and ham, God has done the same thing with me. Yes, I'm expected to forgive, yes I'm expected to let people back in my space, yes I'm supposed to love with a God like love. Indeed, God has done it to several people, chase them trying to get them to try something that looks different. And guess what? When I tasted the green eggs and ham, I liked them! The different thing God may be chasing us around with, is forgiving and loving in a God-like Christ-centered way, deeper than ever before.

So how do we forgive someone fully, the way the Lord intends for us to forgive someone? I guess it's easier for me to illustrate what it's like being a prisoner of being the one who offends others.

This past Christmas season was the hardest I've ever had, due in part to my friendship ending. You see, I'm a single mom, without any siblings, trying to raise two kids. When I became a single mom, the Lord blessed me with my friend. Elder Burton Howard said, “If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. … It becomes special because you have made it so. I didn't do the things to care for the friendship and treat it as the gift God blessed me with. So this Christmas season, I would watch the Church messages and devotionals, read Uchtdorf's Stop IT test, with a renewed spirit, hoping and begging the Lord that my friend would feel this spirit and forgive me with open arms. I was hoping and praying for a reconciliation to be apart of the traditions we shared with her and her extended family. Hoping for a reconciliation to continue our divinely placed friendship.

As each passing day came, ignoring continued, my heart sunk. How could it be? This person I loved dearly and who felt the same for me couldn't forgive, or let us partake of the Atonement? Couldn't we heal and support each other in God's will once more? I was a prisoner. I chose to check out of life with my kids, my other friends, and mope! A simple phone call, a letter, or a text, could have made the difference.

That's when it hit me, I need to make sure I always extend forgiveness to anyone who has or may hurt me. The Green Eggs and Ham Heavenly Father has been chasing me with, forgive others completely, to a Christ like level.

In James Ferrell's book “Falling to Heaven” he describes forgiveness as “repenting of my failing to love. Forgiveness is simply the word we use to describe this kind of repentance.” So he says that when you forgive someone you are just saying sorry you didn't love them through it all anyway. He goes on to say that forgiveness is the most “crucial kind of repentance” there is. If we don't repent of withholding forgiveness then we won't be forgiven. So how's it done you are asking?

Love! As I have been learning, and is easier said than done at times, love is God's way. It is the easiest, quickest, most healing, righteous way to following God's directive and moving forward. Have God like compassion for others mistakes, weaknesses, and struggles they are dealing with. You see, even though you may be suffering while you love someone, that is the example the Savior set for us. Think about His sufferings in Gethsamene or His experience on the cross. You see, if we are all truly brothers and sisters in the spiritual sense, which is much more than the physical sense, then our devotion to each other and working things out through God-like love should be priority.

When the Savior suffered for our sins, He didn't say, “Okay, you hurt me, I need some space from you and time to heal.” In fact, He saw a greater need to love us, He begs for us to draw closer to Him. If we have this same attitude and compassion and love for our offender's we will truly draw closer to God. We will help open the doors to healing for ourselves and open the prison doors for those who are seeking forgiveness.

That brings the question, how do we seek forgiveness from others? The question begs the same simple answer. Repentance and Love! For what felt like the longest time, after the falling out with my friend, I would react, seek ways to get her to forgive me, seek ways for her to understand my weaknesses, and seek for ways for her to feel compassion towards me. Then it hit me! Free agency! No matter what my friend chooses to do with our friendship, it is my responsibility to repent, love her more, and make amends to the best of my ability. I cannot force her back in my life, force her to forgive me, force her to see anything. Those are her choices. But it's my choice to repent and act out of love.

I was driving home one night when the thought came to me, “you have done all that you can, now sit back and let Me work miracles.” I learned a lesson that night, that I was trying to force someone back in my life because I was seeking forgiveness the wrong way. The way you seek forgiveness is by repentance. When your heart hurts, repent. When you are struggling, repent. Whether you are repenting that you did something to offend someone or repenting that you failed to love someone, the answer still is, repent!

This past October conference Uchtdorf spoke on regret. He said, “However, the older we get, the more we tend to look back and marvel at how short that road really is. We wonder how the years could have passed so quickly. And we begin to think about the choices we made and the things we have done. In the process, we remember many sweet moments that give warmth to our souls and joy to our hearts. But we also remember the regrets- the things we wish we could go back and change.” However, the Atonement, repentance, and extending forgiveness goes a long way in minimizing regrets. I struggle with these things but am learning the quicker we do these things the less regrets and quicker the healing power of the Atonement can take place.

Eyring in the same conference gives us this closing advice. He emphasizes the great need to both seeking forgiveness and extending forgiveness. “The pavilion that seems to be hiding you from God may be fear of man rather than this desire to serve others. The Savior’s only motivation was to help people. Many of you, as I have, have felt fear in approaching someone you have offended or who has hurt you. And yet I have seen the Lord melt hearts time after time, including my own. And so I challenge you to go for the Lord to someone, despite any fear you may have, to extend love and forgiveness. I promise you that as you do, you will feel the love of the Savior for that person and His love for you, and it will not seem to come from a great distance. For you, that challenge may be in a family, it may be in a community, or it may be across a nation.”