Make Up Your Mind....Love Your Enemies

“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

“It is easy enough to be friendly to one’s friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.” - Gandhi

It has been a rough couple of days around here...but that usually signals some great growth opportunities. It made me search through a lot of reading and material and the idea of Matt: 5:44 kept coming to my mind. The scripture says...

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;"

I guess I am feeling pretty hated, being cursed and persecuted, so the scripture hits pretty close to home and my heart has been swelling since I read it. I then began a study of what it means to love those that hate, despise, persecute, or just don't want you around. The answer when I found it was so simple.

It's in our spiritual DNA!!! Just like everything else, LOVE, is our divine nature. Go with me on this one. In the book, "The Infinite Atonement," we learn that just as we are made with the genetic makeup or our earthly biological parents, so too we are made with the spiritual makeup of our Heavenly parents.  Now let that sink in for a minute. If, just as we receive physical attributes from our parents here, we receive our spiritual code from God himself. That seems logical to me. Just as a puppy will never grow up to be a cow, but a dog, we are built to become spiritually like God himself.

So here we go... If God and the Savior love us even after we have hurt them and we have their spiritual makeup, then we too can love our enemies.

President Monson said this in a talk about loving others..."Who is my neighbor? Someone asked that question, then answered it: “I don’t know his name, but his dog tramples down my flowers. His boy honks the horn and keeps me awake at night, and his children make so much noise I can’t enjoy life. But yesterday I noticed some black crepe at his window, and I knew that someone had passed away. I decided it was time I became acquainted with my neighbor. Let us not wait for that type of event before we become acquainted with our neighbor and show love for him or for her."

Choose to transform your relationships. Commit to yourself that you will choose differently now. You will choose Love over fear. Choose your divine nature that you can love those who are the hardest to love, who have hurt you, and who need it the most. Be God-like as your spiritual nature and makeup have created you to be. You are great. Choose to go beyond just feeling okay about someone, look at things from their perspective, feel their hurt, have compassion, and open your heart. I'm not saying to walk into dangerous paths if they have tendencies to hurt you such as physical abuse, I'm saying develop the kindred connection that binds us together as a family through God. Pray for them, serve them, do good to them, try and understand them, love them as God would. 

Indicators of forgiveness...We are no ordinary beings, we are eternal.

I have often heard people say that they have forgiven so and so, only to hear them days later tell a story about the person that is not positive. Or I myself have done this...Oh, I forgive so and so, I just won't forget or I hope a piano comes crashing down on their head.

So what are the signs that you have truly forgiven someone??? Let's take a look at the indicators below.

--Would you plead and beg Heavenly Father in their behalf that they be admitted into His presence?
--Do you have an increased love and compassion for the person who offended? (not saying you have an increased love for the offense but the offender)
--Do you pray for the one who you've forgiven?
--Do you reach out to the one you've forgiven to let them know of your love for them?
--If you were asked to leave a room if you had any unkind feelings toward the person who hurt you, would you need to leave?
--Have you repented for not loving the person who offended you and seeing things from their side or point of view?
--Have you become a tender mercy of love towards the person, extended by our Heavenly Father to let the offender free?

Now let me be the first to say that these are extreme indicators. Not many people can reach this level of forgiveness for some of the offenses that have occurred against us. It is my belief that this is the level of forgiveness the Lord wants us to achieve in forgiveness.  If you think about the Celestial Kingdom, it is going to be made up of all kinds of people who have sinned and repented. Do you think that you will be able to be in that Kingdom harboring hard feelings towards anyone? I dare say no. I think Heavenly Father knows us better and expects and requires more from us.  I love this video by Uchtdorf, where he talks of our divine nature and potentiality. May we reach for the stars even in extending the hand of forgiveness to one of our brothers and sisters. This can change the world by knowing who we are.

Eyring said this..."And so I challenge you to go for the Lord to someone, despite any fear you may have, to extend love and forgiveness. I promise you that as you do, you will feel the love of the Savior for that person and His love for you, and it will not seem to come from a great distance."

And Hunter said...“This year, mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgigve an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again.

Whoa, this one is going to hurt a little...

This blog post hurt my little head when I wrapped my brain around the concept that I'm trying to portray. It talks about the "why" of forgiveness. There are many reasons as to why to forgive: to free yourself from the anger and hate, to free the offender from guilt and worry, to release yourself from the negative affects of harboring ill feelings, and on and on. In fact, a lot of times people will say forgiveness is not about the offender but about you so you can move on.  And while I agree with that concept, an almost higher law popped into my head after reading in "The Infinite Atonement."

Let me explain...from "The Infinite Atonement" we read, "It was CS Lewis who again reaffirmed this divine proposition: "It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature...which you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal."

Holy cow batman! That concept is incredibly great. To paraphrase, he is saying that we, our actions, are either helping someone become a God or Goddess or someone an eternal horror. So our actions, have imprints and consequences to other's lives. Even if they have hurt us beyond measure, we have a choice to help them become more like Christ or more evil. That's it. You have a choice in forgiving and helping them home, or not and helping them drive a wedge between them and God. However, be careful if you do not, and I say this more to myself, you may be driving the wedge between yourself and God.

I would hate to be the one who gets up to the pearly gates and has to explain to Heavenly Father why I couldn't find a way to help a brother or sister home. Even one that has hurt me. Now that being said, I am still working on hurt feelings and trying to get there for a friend that hurt me. The why forgive makes great sense, now the how to forgive is a little harder. Just today my son told me something my friend's son said and it reopened the wounds of hurt that I have been working on. Knowing this important concept though, has helped me see and understand God's will, and I will forgive.

Another great reason to forgive others is...CS Lewis said, "Being a Christian means forgiving the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." So do we just forgive through words? Or does our very being seek out how to help the one we forgive? Which would  you want the Savior to do for you?

There are so many reasons why to forgive and not any good reasons why you shouldn't forgive.

Tender Mercies of the Lord through the Atonement

Not sure where the saying came from but this is so true..."You don't know how much you need air till you're drowning." Sometimes you don't know how much you need the Atonement and the Savior, till you are broken hearted, downtrodden, and without the air the Savior has to offer.

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised." Isaiah 61

As I have been reading through every Atonement book I can get my hands on, I am learning how nothing I am without the Savior. With Him I can be everything but I am nothing without Him. Now, I know that is not something most everyone already knows. It's not like I am offering you a newsflash! But the understanding of it was a newsflash to me!

In the case with my ex, I saw the tender mercies of the Lord everywhere! People stopping by, new friendships formed. My broken heart was mended and held in the palms of His hands. People seemed to come out of the woodwork to help buoy my little family. There were countless blessings poured out amongst me and my two kiddos. One of which was my best friend. The happiness, comfort, and countless help she provided to our family was one of the Lord's most tender mercies.

And now as I go through this time with the heartbreak from a broken friendship, I see the tender mercies once again. The tender mercy of compassion and an increased love for my friend, a Heavenly Father who knows me so well who has given me comfort where no one else could, the tender mercy of repentance and forgiveness. Air from the Savior, desperately needed, came at a time when I felt I could no longer press forward. The sting of heartache that begs you to turn to the Lord for forgiveness and love is the greatest of tender mercies from my Heavenly Father.

Elder Bednar stated some of the ways that tender mercies are demonstrated in our lives..." Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits “his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men” And then he says, "Repentance and forgiveness of sins and peace of conscience are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. And the persistence and the fortitude that enable us to press forward with cheerfulness through physical limitations and spiritual difficulties are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord.

I emphatically testify that the Savior of all men can save us from the heartache, depression, downtrodden discouragement, painful loneliness, abandonment, and all kinds of hurts and blemishes, as we turn to Him and beg for the consoling, comfort, and healing balm of the Savior. Whether your hurts are caused by sin, adversity, someone else, or tragic accident, He will be there for you. It may not come till after the trial of your faith, but it will come. I am as messed up as they come and He cares enough to love me, so I know He will do the same for you.

Ignore-ance is Bliss! Pun intended...

Last night at soccer, I had a good visit with a friend about my situation and the recent hurt I've been feeling. She made the point that in the case of her ex-husband, if he ignores her then he doesn't have to accept the full responsibility in the hurt that occurred between the two. He is able to move on and not revisit the pain because he pretends he did nothing wrong. He is in survival mode. If I don't look at it, it doesn't exist.

I have to say, I agree with her assessment totally. In the case of my ex-husband and my best friend of the past 3 years, I have seen this with both of them. If you know about the rainbow color code book by Hartmann, it is their color yellow that I think comes out. The one that if it's too hard, let's not do it because it's not fun. They justify they have done enough already in the not fun category and it's time to move on and find some healing and fun.  Now let me make a disclaimer here: I'm sure I have made much worse mistakes than their lack of responsibility that I'm speaking of here.

Anyway, in the case of my ex-husband, when he got caught doing some things, he bailed. He packed up and left when he was made aware that he had been caught. He did everything he could to justify his actions for leaving, even telling me it was because I betrayed him by asking for a blessing when I found out what he had been doing. (side note, my ex and I have a great relationship now, and we don't harbor ill feelings toward one another.)

Then in the case of my supposed best friend, when I pushed her button of calling her a hypocrite several times for the hurt that was in our friendship, one day it was too much for her and she started ignoring me. I haven't heard from her since. She had done this once before and ignored me for about a week. This seems to be a pattern in her family. When I first met her, her sister ignored her sister in law and cut her out of her life for a year and a half on a hurtful misunderstanding. My friend cut out a person before me because of perceived hurt as well. Her mom will disappear for a few days from life if she is feeling hurt.

(I'm sure this post would have them ducking for cover instead of looking at themselves and saying wow this is a weakness I'm going to work on.) In fact, me looking at their weakness with this is just a cover so I don't have to work on mine as much, lol! But the hurt of their ignoring is killing me and has been very hurtful to my kids. This friend was at our house for 3 years straight 75% of the time. And yes, she not only ignored me, but my kids as well. Ok, enough of my hurt coming out, I will shove that away and get back to the post.

You see, to some people ignoring or displacing responsibility and blame are a defense mechanism.  It's the way they cope, it's the way they move forward.  I am sure, I have just as many unhealthy, if not more, coping skills than my friend and ex.  However, when my friend was talking about it last night, it really made me think.

Wouldn't it be easier or at least better, if everyone involved in any situations of hurt could separate the actions of others from the person and sit down in love and compassion and take responsibility and forgive each other??? It is hard work when you have the knowledge of how much you have hurt someone, it's best not to hurt others, but when you do the blisters of repairing and making amends is much more appealing than sticking your head in the sand and pretending a person or their hurt doesn't exist.

Don't worry my next post will be about my side and how I shouldn't make posts about things like this. lol!

Quotes about where I am...

 I feel that when my friendship with my bff ended all kinds of opportunities and experiences were closed. At times in the last two months, I blamed God.  Little did I know, He hasn't closed anything and has opened something much more important, a full fledged relationship with Him. I couldn't be more thankful for Him meeting me in the hallway.

I love this quote because I felt like my friend and her family went out and bought a new house. This gives me hope that there are people out there who love unconditionally and who know some areas may need repair but they don't go out to replace you.

Just love this quote and what it means. I am grateful for those in my life and for those who have stuck by me through thick and thin.

Repost! What if it was Christ's brother or sister?

I am reposting this because of it's message, and it's what I need to remember. I was getting caught up in my emotions again and needed to see things with new eyes. 

Today, as I pondered on good and evil, a thought came to me. Now this thought developed out of a three hour study this morning on the nature of people, evil vs. mentally ill, forgiveness and repentance, and personal accountability.

The question or thought that was posed to me was...."What if it was the Savior's Brother or Sister?" In relating it to my life I found the following situations applied to me. It made all other things irrelevant in the asking.

In terms of my friend and our falling out- What if it was the Savior's sister that hurt me, would I forgive her instantly? Would I find that increase of love for her and want to help her more? Would I do everything I could to build her and provide to her love and support? Or would I tear her down for hurting me, telling people my side of the story so people would not want to support her, or would I abandon the relationship and hope to never have to deal with it or take responsibility? The answer was easy, once the question was posed. She is the Savior's sister, and mine as well. Well, looking at the situation from these eyes, it came to me and impressed me that I would find and increased love for her, want to help her more, and do everything I can to build her and provide to her love and support. Because that is essentially who she is to me, a literal sister of my Savior. (redundancy here for added emphasis)

Or looking at our relationship from my inflicting hurt on her with the question posed. "What if I hurt the Savior's sister?" Would I do anything to make it right? Would I pray for forgiveness? Would I go to her seeking forgiveness and ways to make amends?  Would I build her through words? Would I pray for the hurt I inflicted on her to be minimal? Or would I choose the other path of she deserved it because she hurt me too? Or not take responsibility for my actions? Or not go to her and try and make amends? Would I try and inflict hurt back on her for hurting me? The answer here is just as easy...I would build her, pray for her, beg for forgiveness, repent of my shortcomings, serve her, make amends, and increase my love for her, because she is His sister and mine.

The question of "What if it was the Savior's brother or sister?" can be posed to any relationship. My relationship with my ex, my relationship with my kiddos, friends, ward members, and acquaintances. They are my brothers and sisters, I need to love them as they are, literal brothers and sisters to the Savior who laid down His life for me and expects me to find and increase of love for these people. Who am I not to love others more fully, forgive others more fully, serve others more fully, reach out to others more fully?

I pray that this week I can look at people from this lens and do more for others, have a change of heart, repair through amends, and love others unconditionally as the family that we are.

“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”⁵