Benjamin Franklin, the Russians, and Forgiveness

As I was watching a popular medical tv show, a great point was made to inspire this quick little blog post.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have heard one of my friends talking about what a failure she is and how she failed one of her friends. This friend is so hard on herself and has a hard time seeing that life and friendships are not pass and fail. And instead they are about progress. You only fail when you quit.

"Do you know how many dogs the Russians sent into outer space before a person walked on the moon?"

or....

Do you realize how many "failures" Benjamin Franklin had while trying to perfect the lightbulb? 

or...

As in the case on the medical show, they were implanting a stent of some sort in a lamb to see if it would work and the lamb ended up passing. The doctors could have quit there but decided to do a necropsy to find out what went wrong and fix the problem so that others may go on to benefit from their knowledge. 

Forgiveness and life in general works the same way. If we don't look at what went wrong, we can't fix it and benefit others. If Benjamin Franklin had stopped, where would we be? If medical advances weren't pursued after failures, then what? If hearts were not attempted to fix after misgivings, mistreatment, mistakes, and hurt, then what?

"We try again, and then we fail again. Because that's what progress looks like. Progress looks like a bunch of failures." You can have feelings about the failures, you can feel sad or angry, but you can't fall apart or you wont succeed. And then after continual trying, we can and will save lives, walk on the moon, have electricity, mend hearts, forgive and be forgiven.

Benjamin Franklin said, "Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out."

So there are a few sides to this failure post that can be made...

--failure is not a bad thing or an end all, life's not pass or fail friendship is not pass or fail, trials are not pass or fail
--forgiving others can be hard, it's not a pass fail test but a continual effort
--finding forgiveness from others and the Lord is a process
--progress is made from learning from our failures

Three cheers for failure!

With small things, great things shall come to pass...Friendship, purpose, finding forgiveness, unity

Sharon Eubank's fantastic talk on friendship and forgiveness...making a real difference

 “In friendship ... we think we have chosen our peers. [But] in reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university [over] another ... the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting—any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating … good taste in finding one another out. [But] it is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others." -- CS Lewis

 Some of the key points in this talk that I love...
 • Accentuate the virtues in each other.
 • Respect and acceptance have a rippling effect.
 • Solving problems is less important than loving people.
 • Friendship is designed to revolutionize and civilize the world. 
 • Wars and contentions should cease.
 • Men and women can become friends and family.
 • And friendship welds iron to iron. It unites the human family. If you had one sentence about that, it could simply be this—that unity, understanding, and relationships are worth our absolute best efforts. 

--"But this phenomenon shows up in the smallest biology, clear up to the largest galaxies. There’s different types of systems that interdepend on each other and they cooperate together in a unified way so that a cell eventually becomes a human body; a gas bubble can cooperate until it makes a galaxy; and ant colonies are built on the same principle that we build nations on. And I can still remember sitting in my parents’ pink and white kitchen as it dawned on me: small things working together in unity to make bigger things is the whole meaning of mortal life. It’s why we’re here...Every once in a while, people can attain that kind of oneness and unity. Enoch did it with a whole city."

Sharon also gives this beautiful tribute to her good friend... I, too, have been blessed with this.  May I quote..."I have been incredibly blessed in my life to have a friend to me who is a model of everything that Emma Smith describes. It isn’t that she is nice to me—she is. But she has succored me in my weaknesses, she has borne with me in my troubles, she’s rejoiced in good seasons. She has refused to throw my weaknesses in my face. She’s inspired me to be a better person. She’s talked to me when no one else would. She’s told me when I’m making a mistake. And she’s given me everyday support and confidence. She’s told me 10,000 times that she loves me, and she’s shared her testimony and her beliefs with me, and prayed with me even when I couldn’t. Her friendship is one of the most precious things in my life." May I now try and offer these qualities to others.

Whole Transcript of Sharon Eubank's talk...Click Here

Jesus Declares the Parable of the Lost Sheep

Forgiving others can be your way of going after the 1. I have been blessed beyond measure and feel nothing but gratitude to a Heavenly Father who doesn't give up on me.

As Promised...Yay! Finding Forgiveness Siale Vainuku and the Beecher's Story

Not much to add other than please watch this video in it's entirety. It will not be a wasted 22 minutes. May be the best 22 min of your week.

To my dear friend I love more than anything...

Forgiveness facilitates unlikely friendship- Conference Halftime

One of my family's favorite things to watch is the show in between the two conference sessions. They are usually very inspiring and uplifting. Today was no exception and in fact a straight blessing from Heavenly Father to me and many. My kids and I refer to it as the half time show, lol.

It was so touching! I hope you can see the entire showing which is 30 min long. It is entitled "Finding Forgiveness." It's a story of a man who had come undone and tragically killed an elderly lady in a car accident.

Until I can find the whole video in it's entirety, this will have to do. Lynn Beecher talks about the necessity to have to communicate with the offender to find understanding. Same concept that is in the Falling to Heaven Book.

Pahoran, Nephi, and Chris Williams, Oh My! Forgive Frankly...

The general ideas in this post are taken from the 2011 BYU Women's Conference talk given by Russell and Lolly Osguthorpe.

I was always amazed when I read my scriptures when I came upon the story of Pahoran and Moroni. Pahoran was in the city of Zarahemla and the king men (who were bad) were in control of Zarahemla. Moroni writes a letter asking Pahoran for reinforcements to help deal with the kingmen that he is dealing with. Here Pahoran is accused by a frustrated Moroni and called his loyalty into question. Pahoran responds that he is grateful, despite being accused falsely by Moroni, that he wrote and that his words bring him a lot of joy. Instant forgiveness extended to Moroni.

Laman and Lemuel, the two brother's of Nephi, were corrected by Nephi about their disobedience. This brought them to a stage of anger where they bound Nephi with cords and left him to die and be eaten by wild beasts. Anger is usually the key emotion that brings about bad behavior, vengeful behavior, and unforgiveness. And if you understand anger you will know that it is a secondary emotion made up of fear and sadness. Okay so moving along....The Lord taught us that not only should we not want to kill someone but that we should not be found angry with another or the Lord's anger will be directed toward them. Laman and Lemuel were sorrowful after a daughter of Ishamael and her mother did plead with Laman and Lemuel to become humble. It worked! They went to Nephi and begged of him his forgiveness. One minute they want to kill Nephi and then the next they were begging his forgiveness. This was a great miracle. However, maybe even a greater miracle was Nephi's response.

Now some of the great qualities of Nephi were....he forgave them immediately. Did he become defensive? No! Did he throw it in their faces what they had done? No! Did he tell his friends and family of the things they did wrong and to ignore them? No! Did he hold it against them? No! Did he continue to bring it up time and again in the future? No! He "frankly forgave" them. He was left in the desert to be devoured by wild beasts. And yet, "he frankly forgave" them. Are you with me? How many times have you been bound and hung out to be eaten by gnarly wild beasts? Could you have forgiven them? At first, I though frankly, was a word that meant barely or coldly, etc. But the Osguthorpe's explained it differently. He forgave them instantly, without conditions, no questions asked. The word "frank" originally meant free. Unconditional; without restraint; without anxiety. He forgave them freely!

And now finally, Chris Williams... his story can be found below in this video. I know I've posted this before but it is moving and powerful.

But the bottom line is there are some commonalities in all of these cases of forgiveness. They all forgave "frankly." Meaning, without condition, thinking first of the offender before themselves. Nephi thought first of Laman and Lemuel, not about his being set out to die. Pahoran thought first of Moroni and his people, not that he had just been falsely accused and his loyalty questioned. And Chris Williams? He thought first of the young man who had taken 3 of his family members from him.
In each case, not one of these examples, put conditions on the forgiveness. Not one of them, threw it in the others face. Not one of them didn't seek to love the others home.

Please remember the post on forgiving others just means repenting of not loving them in the first place. I'm grateful for such examples in my life. I have failed at forgiving like these great examples many times and grateful for them to help show me the way.

The Peacegiver...meaning of life?

To quote from the book "The Peacegiver" by James Ferrell..."'Ricky, I'm going to suggest something to you that you probably have never thought of and will want to resist, but I'm going to say it anyway because it's the truth. Here it is: Being mistreated is the most important condition of mortality, for eternity itself depends on how we view those who mistreat us."

Have you been mistreated or feel you have? How do you view the person who has wronged you?

Do you war with them? Do you gossip about them? Do you yell at them? Do you ignore them? Do you plot evil sinister plans of destruction in your head about them (lol)? Do you bury your head in the sand and pretend they don't exist? OR.....

Do you love them more? Do you reach out to them? Do you pray for them? Do you serve them? Do you do acts of kindness towards them? Do you build them with your words to other people? Do you pray for a softened heart towards them?

I can attest that up till recently, I was stuck in the warring zone. I would think mean or angry thoughts about the people I felt were mistreating me and my kiddos. I would speak unkind things about them to those who asked about what was going on. Oh and I had my fair share of plotting toilet papering their house, ding dong ditching them, and other vengeful acts. In all seriousness, I was not thinking with charity, the pure love of Christ.

Then it happened....a change of heart. I realized that these people are some of the people I care most deeply for and while I can't control what they do or how they think of me or whether they feel/felt mistreated, I can pray for them, build them, say kind things, serve them, love them more, and have them in my heart. It's a process that's for sure but I'm glad to see the miracle of my heart changing.